Ghosts

what can I say?
I arrive at this question a lot. I never quite know what to put or how to express all the chaos thats happening in my thoughts.
It's not I don't ahve anything to say, it's that i have to much.
I try to put my opinion on others to often.
I tend to lean toward the negatives.
I only see the emptiness of the future.
I don't have dreams, hopes, joys of the future.

How do i change myself to be that somewhat ideal of a person?
I hate when others are happy, too happy. How the hell did they get so happy with life? AND how do they stay that way? That is my fountain of youth.
That answer will probably save me from myself.

The truth is...
Maybe I wasn't cut out from that cookie cutter barbie mold like many girls are now-a-days.
Maybe I wasn't meant to be OBSESSED with life.
Thats probably the truth.
I'll have to accept that.

BUT, there are a few people that make me smile when ever i see them.
I'm greatful to have them in my life.

Everyone else can really die and i wouldn't seem to care. I'm annoyed with the people of the world, atleast the ones i've encountered and that 'sample' of people is enough to represent the whole. Therefore i damn them all to 'hell', or the negative 'place' your soul goes to after death, what ever it may be called.
(add tangent: wouldn't it be weird if heaven was called hell and hell was called heaven. Or, if heaven WAS hell. All these people stuffing bibles down societies throats would be doomed to eternal suffering)
But ya, the rest of the world can kiss it. I'm fed.
FED EX!(a.d.d.)
(if i realize that the things i say/think are A.D.D. do i really have A.D.D. like the doctors say i do?)

"COME BREAK ME DOWN,
BURY ME BURY ME
I AM FINISHED WITH YOU!!!"
-30 seconds to mars 'the kil'

i leave you with that final lyric(s) for the day,
-Kay